At this time of year when many people intend to devote themselves to a “New Year resolution” we may in reality hear but a faltering wind. The resolution may begin fairly well for a brief moment then fade out of mind.
To other people, especially those more than aware of how grief may restructure one’s life, a resolution to go on with life is all one can muster. Life has been altered for ever. Life is seen through one who lives a life of “scarred joy”. A New Year may be viewed as another year to redefine one’s life. Other than that so what? For instance, those couples who were planning a life that would include a baby and hopefully one of a number now resign themselves to living life without this particular baby. Although other pregnancies and babies may indeed be welcomed into their family there will always be someone missing. This couple so deeply loves their children yet they love through scarred joy for they are always aware of how they had wanted things to be. Children are not supposed to die before their parents but they endure their reality as something that is part of them.
ScarredJoy 
Alan.
I find your thoughts both true and insightful I also think that the scarred joy though never forgotten can be replaced with renewed joy, a joy that comes in time. How much time depends on the circumstances and the individual. It personally has taken me years. I just have to look at my daughter to be reminded of my renewed joy that has diminished my Scarred Joy. For that I am thankful
A reminder that this is my story and my thoughts. I do not speak for everyone
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Hi Lorna! Scarred Joy is a renewed joy. It is renewed but the scar is still there. A renewed joy indeed will tend to diminish scarred joy but it does not diminish scarred joy to the degree it disappears so to speak. Perhaps I’ll go into this in another post but here is something else re scarred joy. Like closure the idea that scarred joy ends is a myth. The only people who have “closure” are those who have died. for the rest of us there is no real closure.
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