I imagine some people would be shocked at the title of this post. On the other hand, no one is forced to read my blog. I’m a Christian or as a popular term today says, I’m a “Jesus follower.” That’s just how it is! I’ve been a church going guy for a long time and longer than I have been a “Jesus follower.” I can explain that if someone asks me to.
Here is what I want to say today about grief. Some of the things other Christians have related to grief seem to lack sincerity and are of little if any help to those who grieve. I refer to them as “myths of grief.” Things like, “God knows what you are going through!” Well, so what? What does that actually mean? How does it help the person in grief? Here is another one that makes me shake my head. “God won’t give you any more than you can handle!” Wow, that makes me feel better! A response to this could be something like “Oh, I get it, my wife and I have been looking forward to our baby being born but the doctor just told us the baby has died inside my wife. What more could God have us handle? Are we supposed to think, oh that’s not so bad maybe the baby could have actually been born then died! Would that have been more than we could handle?” Here is one that could really send a person round the bend. “We are so sorry the baby died, but at least you have other children and maybe you can even have another baby!” That one is so heartless that I’m not going to comment.
The words in the previous paragraph capture some of the comments I have heard over the years from “well meaning” people. I put “well meaning” in quotation marks just to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would also categorize these comments as “the crap of some religious views on grief.” I call them “religious views” because they are not restricted only to Christians.
Okay, I’ve caught my breath since writing this post so far so let me just continue a little bit more. I think we are now coming to a time where people are using their hearts as well as their brains when coming alongside grieving people. It seems we are becoming a bit more thoughtful or empathetic before opening our mouths to offer “words of comfort.” At least I hope so.
You see, I am more sensitive to hearing the stories of grieving people like the parents of children who have died, or were “stillborn,” or were “born sleeping,” than I am those who may hide their own feelings behind myths of grief. Those who only make people feel their grief deeper because of insensitivity.
At Scarred Joy you are invited to pour out your grief as much as you want. I won’t spout off very often like I did today. I hope through Scarred Joy readers will feel more compassion than anything else. Even if you disagree with me you are welcome here.
Take care for now!