Grieving Grandparents

Hello Folks! I belong to a Facebook page called Grieving Grandparents. I have been part of this group for about a year. I enjoy the interaction we have as grandparents acquainted with the “loss” of our grandchildren. Many times the posts written by our group exhibit the rawness of our grief, of our pain, our sadness. Group members use such terms as “born sleeping.”  This refers to those babies born without taking a breath. We will speak of babies who were not born yet they are loved. Some grandparents endured the agony of loving their grandchildren for a brief time and had to bid farewell to them because of a life-ending illness or a horrible accident and even acts of violence against those little precious people. We do not try to “fix” each other. We are “there” for each other as much as we can through cyberspace.

Our “scarred joy” is an experience we live with. We remember our “loss” but also we sense a “joy” in life. We can endure. We carry on in our journey through life aware of our woundedness yet joyful knowing we are not alone.

I hope that in your journey you are not alone. I hope you know people who will not back away from you because you “are not over” your “loss”. I hope to that you know that by visiting “Scarred Joy” you may vent as much as you want. Sometimes it helps us to name our pain, to say what it is that is adding to our not always walking around with a big smile on our faces. If nowhere else, this is a place you can be real with your feelings and thoughts.

We go on living and that’s amazing!

It is not uncommon to hear people talking about grief like it is an illness one will “get over” or some kind of irritant that will pass with time. I can’t stand that attitude! To some people it even seems like a philosophy of life that blabbers, “Yes, grief will enter our lives but it will pass, we will get ‘over it” and life will go on,you will move forward. Once you “recover” you will be able to join the human race again!” This is how my mind hears and processes a view like that. It isn’t worth giving attention too, no matter how common it may be.

Grief cannot be treated like an illness or a depression. Grief is real! It is a longing of the soul for things to be as they once were, it is a yearning for life to be as it once was yet also knowing this can never be. Grief indicates life will never be the same again.

In the context of Scarred Joy grief relates to that sense of “loss” that results from the death of a loved one, or divorce (death of a marriage), or the death of a dear pet, or a sense of violation that is a result of a violent attack like rape, or dare I say it, the death of one’s child or children, or experiencing or witnessing another type of life crushing trauma.  Something inside you changes forever.

It is amazing that people go on living in spite of life altering suffering. Perhaps you have experienced something horrible something that has stopped you in your tracks although time has moved on.  You may realize however that you have survived. I hope you have discovered that you are amazing as well.

There are times in life that try us and sometimes beyond measure. Scarred Joy speaks into the amazing power of joy in spite of life experiences that may crush us. Scarred Joy speaks of pain people experience in life without putting the proverbial positive spin so common today. Some of the posts may express the rawness of the pain people are experiencing without downplaying its intensity. Perhaps some will be “stuck” so to speak in their pain and for the time being are “surviving” while screaming at heaven in the absence of joy! Joy seems to be more appreciated by those who know what pain/suffering/hardship/brokenness/etc. is and have survived or are trying to survive in spite of it. I invite replies.

16507037_10154411009292297_1041525904_n